Friday, December 11, 2009

The Cat's Out of the Bag

For months now I have felt like my job is just that-a job. It used to be fun and I felt fulfilled when I would get home from work. Since summer, I have felt like something was missing. I have looked into the MSN programs at ASU and UofP. I have investigated the PA program at AT Still and I have looked at the classified ads for something new. I took the Certified Medical Practice Executive examination, hoping that would fulfill my needs. Nothing worked....At work, I felt like no one noticed all the extra things I tried to do. No one would even say a simple thank you for a job well done. No one congratulated me on the CMPE exam-except Corporate. The staff would hear things about how easily we could be replaced-which does not help anyone feel good about themselves or their situation. I would feel guilty for taking off a day because I was sick. I was never able to take a vacation at a time I wanted to-like this summer, I would have like to join my cousins in Michigan for the scattering of my cousin, Steve's, spreading of his remains. I guess I really have felt unappreciated. It has never been a matter of $$, even though I know I could make more at the hospital-but just a matter of being respected-not treated like a doormat. I had inquired the cost of a cell phone through our Corporate account-that I would pay for myself. when Tom, from Corporate emailed the docs about the phone, they just assumed that I expected them to pay for it. Rather than telling me themselves, that they would not pay for it, they have Tom email me-not even enough respect to tell me themselves!!

In September I applied for a new position in VENT-Direector of Operations. Well, right off I realized that I was not right for the position. Prior to the interview, I told the docs that I had applied. While I interviewed, I inquired about the opening for the Electronic Medical Records Specialist. Wow...I actually became excited about a job. It is a new skill....it is a new job...it is a way to learn something new...it is a way to use nursing in a new way...it is something I felt really good about!!! I was offered the job...and then the physicians began to discuss not using the program they had already invested in..so I was put in a holding pattern....until the first part of November. During all of this time, neither one asked me how the interview went-I guess no one really cared what I did...even as I began to go to Corporate more and more...

To make the program more individualized, four of us began to learn how to use Visual Form Editor-a way that we can make our own, custom forms-what fun!!! I spent Thanksgiving weekend developing an intake form for patient visits. What a sense of accomplishment to see your form on the screen and put into the templates that everyone will use!!

All of these months, I have been attending EMR meetings-while doing my regular duties-knowing that at some point the physicians I work for will need to know that I will leave at some time. During the past few weeks, the EMR project has been moving swiftly-making me feel like I have been wearing three hats at VENT. Last week I gave George an ultimatum-we tell the guys soon, or I will not do the EMR, but will begin to make a decision on what my next step will be to feel like I am doing something fulfilling. I felt like I was being slimy, knowing that I had plans to leave and that they ar emaking plans for the future, etc. I felt guily that I would leave them, possibly in a lerch. I did not want to do that!!! I want them to be prepared in all ways. I do not want the staff to change or anything!!

Well, this week it all came to a head. Today, George, Jean and I met with Drs. Gambino and Ketterer. I dreaded this all day!!! I was prepared for whatever might happen. Well, today I cried at work-for only the third time in all of these years....George asked me why I was not happy in the office, and I told them. I could not look at them, or I would have really cried!! After all of these years, it is scary to me to leave, but I really think that it is the BEST thing for me. I am only 47...I have lots of years to still work...and I NEVER want to train a new physician in the office again!!! If things do not work out for some reason, I know that I have so many options out there... I am excited to begin this new challenge...it will be a gradual process, as we need to find the right person to work with the docs-but I know that they know-and I can finally feel better about myself and the thoughts that I am now being truthful with them....

2 comments:

Arizona Girl said...

good-luck, I hope you feel more fulfilled doing this.

Beth said...

I'm so glad you posted this! I have been wondering how everything has been going, and am so glad you did it! You're amazing! Keep me updated!